Blindsided: Waiting, or Meet Dr Google

What did the doctor say?

i don’t know. He’s writing a letter. i … i’m going to bed.

Tonight i shall search for Causes of sight loss

No, i’m fine. i’m sure I’ll hear soon.

Tonight i shall search for Causes of visual field loss

 Are you getting up, Adam?

No.

Tonight i shall search for Temporal field loss

 Do you want to talk about this?

No.

Tonight i shall search for Pituitary tumour field loss

i … i … just carry on reading from page 7. I’ll be … Outside.

Tonight I shall search for Pituitary adenoma

i can’t tell Kelly what I think. Can’t tell anyone.

Ptutary adenomas are generally slow-growng, bengn neoplasms whch can compress the anteror vsual pathway, resultng n loss of vson.

Can’t sleep. Still. What if i die? What if it gets worse before i die?

Tonight i shall search for Slow-growing, benign neoplasms

benign that’s kind. that’s good. isn’t it? is my vision getting worse?  i can’t go on like this.

Anatomc relatonshps suggest that tumor extenson 10 mm above the daphragma sellae s necessary for the anteror vsual pathway to become compressed.

 We need to talk, Adam. Take some time off. Talk to your boss if you won’t talk to me.

Trans-sphenodal surgcal resecton or cranotomy can decompress the anteror vsual pathway, leadng to vsual recovery.

Just leave it. i can’t talk about it.

Vsual mprovement occurs n three phases, wth the earlest phase of mprovement takng place one week after surgery. t has been postulated that the ntal mprovement n vson s the result of recovery of nerve conducton.

maybe it was smoking? i exercise enough, don’t i? i run, i used to run. i haven’t run since … Maybe i should switch the phone off. Do phones cause brain cancer?

Later mprovement s thought to be due to remyelnaton of decompressed optc pathways.

Fucking leave me alone. i’m going out.

Trans-sphenodal surgery s the surgcal treatment of choce for most ptutary adenomas because t s mnmally nvasve and hghly successful.

Kelly doesn’t get it. nobody gets it. i don’t want it. someone take this away. please

 Overall, VF returned to normal n 35% of eyes, mproved n 60%, and remaned unchanged n 5%. Patents whose VF returned to normal had a shorter duraton of symptoms (16 (5) v 137 (56) weeks; p<0.05), better preoperatve vsual acuty (p<0.05), and a smaller degree of mparment n preoperatve lateral quadrant VF (p<0.01) than those whose VF only mproved.

 There’s a letter from the hospital. Will you open it?

 When are they seeing you?

 What?

i can’t take time off.

 For God’s sake Adam, it’s your health. You’ve been in a right state these last two weeks. Look, I’ll see if I can come too.

can’t sleep. should stop lookng at my phone. what f t’s not bengn? they’re gong to have to open my bran up, cut nto me … sht.

Don’t come.

I’ve booked time off work. You shouldn’t have to deal with this on your own.

what if i … what if they …

I’m coming.

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