Blindsided: Surgery, Couting Down

tiny bite through skin and bone meet brain

excavate the tumour centre until it collapses in on itself,

then draw it out

A shiver runs me through

I try to stop thinking about death, but what else do you do, stripped naked, inadequate pastel gown, cold plastic under me, knife poised above.

Horripilation

i can’t look up the risks again, scant reassurance, my phone and watch locked away, my clothes and shoes taken. No escape.

 

Hunger gnaws

 

cover one eye, then the other. when it’s done, whenif I wake, will i see the same? dead nerves, or merely crushed for time. will i bounce back?

 

Permanent damage Permanent damagPermanent damagPermanent damagPermanent damage
Permanent damagPermanent damagPermanent damagPermanent damage
Permanent damage Permanent damage Permanent damage
Permanent damage Permanent damage
Permanent damage

 

some improvement

Or

a blade through my nose, cutting into my brain.

so easy not to wake from that knife.

nothing

 

a wire in my arm now,

 

‘count back from 10’

 

10 my heart is breaking out of my chest

9 i don’t want to do this

8 air tears through my face

7 it will go wrong

6 leaded limbs won’t …

5 stop this please i want to get off

4 i’m going to die

3 i …

2

1

man exposed

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