lights off

lights on

lights off

lights on

lights off

no lights

dot of light dart on black

lights in my eyes

lights in the sky

blinding light

darkness

dull, dim, dark,

sunless; gloomy,

dreary, dismal,

sombre, drab,

bleak, cheerless,

depressing, glum;

misty, foggy, murky

zebra flicks through the grass, shadow dancing on his side

until he’s gone, safe,

scent on the wind only clue

black, jet, death

charcoal, battle

fishscale glauca

gris blade

gunmetal, gunship

starred explosion

zoetropic images flicker,

running man, child entranced

then dance away

grey: characterless, colourless, nondescript, unremarkable, faceless; lifeless, soulless, passionless, spiritless,

insipid, flat, bland,

stale; dull,

uninteresting,

unimaginative,

 tedious,

monotonous,

anonymous

ttttap tap tap, film flickers through the reel of my

childhood

we really wanted a

video camera

ocean, knife, slate

spanish, steel

stone, ash

grey: unofficial, informal, irregular, back-door

train passes, rattle on rails, windows flicker and i can

see right through it,

world beyond

tanker, skin, platinum

sunbleached oak

silver, white, aglow

and contrast

black on white, then fading shades of grey.

the op’s next week, i said.

We’re just getting a baseline, he said, didn’t look at my face, showing me image after image until it all blurred, him and me, shades of grey.

i want black and white back.

i had a letter from the school again. They said that they hoped i was doing okay.

They are having a night out if i’d like to come.

i wouldn’t.

Just wait there, please. We’re going to test your visual field next. I need you to sit in the dark for thirty minutes so your retinas can adapt.

Sorry, we have to start again.

Kelly gets up, goes out, works, returns.

i wait.

Kelly tries to offer sympathy.

i don’t want it.

2

3

1

4

3

1

5, there isn’t 5, is there?

2

4

3

1

3

2

1

2

1

Was there supposed to be a light?

So it looks like the left eye is a little worse that the right.

i know

i …

can’t be there, white guy, black chair, black man, white coat, light out, lights on, glare defeats me.

stumble out, half sight no good as i ricochet down the corridor.

Did you know it is pressure on the inner side of the nerve that causes damage to the outer side of your vision? It crosses over, you see.

inside, outside,

i burst out of the hospital, daylight too bright, can’t drive home, can’t face the walk when

half my world is gone.