… I think the grid was a helpful transitional stage and feel like this is getting closer to what I want, although it’s still not quite there.
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A work in progress
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Beautiful both in words and presentation. I love this 🙂
Thank you – this has been an uphill struggle!
…but one worth doing 🙂
🙂
This is taking on a beautiful shape, and I like the way the lines have been rearranged, connected and fragmented to generate deeper layers of meaning. Also, the screen shot works well for layout, good idea! I’m glad the grid helped: it looked a bit Oulipian to begin with, but it seems to have generated something much more energetic 🙂
I hope so … the grid did help me take it apart, rearrange, and come back with something that I’m happier with, even if it isn’t finished!
lovely, but (oh you are going to kill me) I think the wavy pattern detracts from the words! I think if you read it out loud to yourself you will hear a natural rhythm to the poem and I think that the line breaks and stanza breaks could follow this pattern without the wavy txt ?????
It’s fine – I’ll wait until everyone’s out of the house and work on the line breaks/waves etc, because I agree it is a bit arbitrary at the moment! Version 5 …or is it 6 …. may hit the screen tomorrow.
Before I even started reading this I liked the look of it, the wavy pattern is quite restful! I love the words too – I’ve just gone back and read your last few pots and it interesting to see the evolution of this poem. I included one of your posts in my BritMums Poetry and Prose roundup by the way: http://www.britmums.com/2015/02/poetry-prose-round-winter-warmers/ I loved that story!
thank you very much for the comment, Maddy. And definitely thank you for including me in the round up!
Hi Antonia, what an emotional piece and I love the way you have shaped the words to add depth and power. x
thank you!
I love both the presentation and the words. There is something calming about it yet so very cold (or maybe because I am sitting here wrapped in a blanket today!). Beautiful. Thank you for linking to Prose for Thought x
Thank you – it was very cold when I wrote it!